OK, so I may have bitten off more than I can chew. But then, why settle for a tame little challenge when you can throw down the crafty gauntlet and then run one to boot?
You may remember that I have decided to treat a battered old fussball table to a makeover. Yes. Well. A closer pitch inspection has revealed all manner of little wrinkles that will need a vigorous ironing out before I can layer on the Decopatch paper and glue. Where, oh where, is Mrs Tiggy-Winkle when you need her?
Challenge number one, then, and this is a biggy: it looks very much as though I will have to Decopatch everything in situ. Trust me, this was not in the original plan. In my then mood of what now appears to be an excessive and ill-advised dose both of optimism and gusto, I had imagined that I would be able to dismantle the table and its components, Decopatch most of the key elements, reassemble, then complete the final touches. Not so. No, sadly, not at all so:
The players are wedged fast to their bars, and the bars are possessively attached to the table. Growl.
Challenge number two: plastic. Well, alright, this might not prove to be a challenge after all, but I’ve been cowed into deep suspicion and near-paralysing doubt by challenge number one. I want to remove the horrible plastic corner fixings (see below) and, ideally, the blue edging (see above).
The question is whether this is even possible or whether, in so doing, the entire table will fall to pieces. (Ah ha! she exclaims, wondering suddenly if she has inadvertently solved challenge number one…)
Challenge number three: dirt. OK, this really isn’t a challenge at all, but I’ve got to build up a straw man* somehow if I’m to make the most of my eventual and no doubt hard-won triumph (as eventual and hard-won my inevitable triumph must surely be), and I don’t think just two challenges is going to swing it. The table is pretty filthy. Yes, I’m going to cover it all up anyway, but I suspect a bit of elbow grease is going to be needed before I get properly stuck in with the gluing malarkey.
Challenge number four: the players. Actually, this is perhaps more of a question than a challenge. My original plan was to Decopatch the players head to toe in just one colour – a different colour for each team, obviously. Now – partly due to an explicable feeling of guilt that this wouldn’t be ‘doing it properly’ and partly because of my seemingly innate (or at the very least well-rehearsed) and apparently ineradicable tendency to inflict an unnecessary degree of complication and pressure on my poor old conscience – I’m actually wondering whether I should Decopatch the men to show their skin, hair and clothing.
Look at this little box:
This little box is 5cm by 5cm and I’m in the process of Decopatching it as part of a present for someone (can’t tell you more right now or it’ll spoil the surprise). This is easy stuff, but was quite fiddly enough, thank you very much and kind regards.** Can you IMAGINE how fiddly it would be to Decopatch the players with any degree of follicular detail? So what do I do? Answers on a postcard please.
So there are challenges. But on a positive – and, dare I say it, exciting – note, look at the lovely Decopatch papers ready for employment:
OK. I’ve talked myself round. Bring it on, that’s what I say! Take a good look (take a good look, this could be the day***); next time you see this band of rabble-rousers, they’ll be looking a bit different…
*I do know that this usage of ‘straw man’ isn’t quite right, but hey, it’s the weekend.
** Miranda Hart rocks.
*** Oblique reference to a Pearl Jam lyric, to make my other half smile.